Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
