Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
