you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
