how can u be prego again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
