drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
