why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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