you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
