My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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