Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
