his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
