before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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