I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
