I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
