ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You don't make any sense
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