i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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