btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
