ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
