My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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