Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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