Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
