i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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