his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sorry my hands just texted you
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
