In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
