please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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