Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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