i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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