Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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