Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
