now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
