I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
