I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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