Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
