I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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