My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
