I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
