I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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