I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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