Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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