Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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