My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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