so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
