I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
