you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
