Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
