Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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