and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
