Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
