I am spending my child support on dildos
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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