Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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