He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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