I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
