Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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